I found this while browsing through my deviantart gallery. It was something I wrote way back in Feb 2007, when I was naive and stupid, but in some way correct. It’s so weird how I missed out on my own message. Life is strange that way, isn’t it?
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Why is love a flawed feeling?

Usually, the one we love doesn’t love us back, and we hurt. But at the same time, we realize that there are people who like us in a way that we can’t reciprocate. And we try to avoid the situation but end up hurting the people who love us dearly. Why? It doesn’t seem to be a win-win situation. In the end, someone always gets hurt. What happens to the person if 2 people like them, and that person only likes one of them. It would be even more disastrous if the person doesn’t like both people who like him.

That’s gonna hurt. But people are only human, and we can’t force ourselves to love someone we don’t like in that way. No matter what happens, love can’t be forced.

Yet why..

It’s easier to fall in love than to fall out of love.

It’s really hard. No matter how hard you make yourself believe that you don’t love a person, there’s a certain feeling that always comes back that hinders you from forgetting that once upon a time, there was something. Forcing yourself into a facade of false feelings doesn’t help either. Doing so only makes you realize that it’s harder to let go, no matter how much you know the feeling won’t be reciprocated.

Love is so unfair. Sometimes, you know the feelings won’t be reciprocated but somewhere deep inside, you leave a spark of hope that one day, it will be returned. In the end, it doesn’t end that way, and the love isn’t returned. You end up getting hurt but there’s always a tendency to repeat the mistakes.

Is it fun to repeat mistakes that hurt so much? No matter how many times one falls into a hurtful relationship, the same thing is repeated over and over again, and the pain just doubles over each time.

We refuse to realize that we have something until it’s too late.

People around you see it. Everyone realizes it, but since you’re so desperately in love with someone else (or you believe yourself to) you fail to realize what’s in front of you. Denying is the most common thing, and admitting that nothing will never happen. But in the end, you realize, there was something there all along. Yet, it’s too late.

Some would say that it was better to have said it earlier, but is it worth jeopardizing your friendship? It’s only when you realize that your relationship is very important, that you come into the light. But is it worth it? Is it worth risking everything that you have, and everything your friendship has been built on? Maturity may not apply to everyone and what if at the end of it all, you lose that friendship that you hold so dear.

It goes two ways.

But the saddest thing is realizing that what you thought was there was not really there, and there was something important that was there first but you subconsciously pushed it into the deepest part of your heart and mind.

Everything really comes too late. Falling into conformity is such a hard thing. You praise yourself for not conforming, but you end up realizing that you begin to conform. Whoever said Ignorance is Bliss was right. It’s better not knowing society’s ways, so that you don’t have a chance to change what was originally there.

And in conforming, you subconsciously push away the truth and eventually forget it until you realize it later on, when it’s too late. But by then, there’s someone else. It’s something you can’t change. Realizing that what you felt for the person was the original truth, and not something that formed in your mind when you found out about what others thought. It’s yours and yours alone, unbiased and honest.

So.. what is it really?

Was what you felt ever love at all? It seems to be that what you thought was a mature way of falling was really nothing at all. Was the feeling just something that you unconsciously forced yourself to believe or was it ever really love. It makes you wonder what happened in those past few months. A fabricated lie that weaved in and out of the heart……

It’s all so confusing.

Love is truly flawed. Humanly flawed….

(c) Christa Uymatiao