With finals finally done with, I am now decidedly faced with a question. Beijing, is this goodbye? Having finished one year (2 semesters) at Tsinghua, it’s time to face reality and go home. In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been pondering the same dilemma over and over again.
A few weeks ago, I was surprised when my dad, out of the blue, called to ask me if I wanted to extend another semester. So many thoughts crossed my mind at that one time. What would it mean to continue one more semester. What about going home and bonding with friends and family. What would happen to my plans for the future. Yadda yadda. I’ve told friends and my dad that I’ll be going home, in fact…my plane ticket home is already finalized. Yet part of me can’t imagine the thought of going home. Not that I’ve not missed my friends and family or anything like that, in fact..there are times where I often get homesick and wonder what it would be like to be home, yet part of me loves being away from Manila and the familiar environment. Now, having lived in Beijing for a year, which seems like both a short and long time, part of me wonders if I can just go back to being home.
If only answers were as easy as one’s future being shown to a person. Having to decide, whether to stay or go, or to continue or to move, things like that….it’s really quite stressful. I’m so used to living in Beijing, I don’t know how I’m going to go back to my old routine. At least in China, I have an excuse to get away from everything, and a purpose to being here. But being back home, it now seems like such a tiresome thing…a redundant routine.
Things, are just really simple but exaggeratedly over-rated. But I guess, each person has this sort of moment in their life where a simple yes and no would do. Yet for things like this, there are so many things one has to consider. This paranoid worry-wart me is freaking out, yes?
现在的我要考虑,离开北京或者回国或换城市。有很多好处和烦恼的事情,不是一些简单的情况。我怎么办决定。这是我的未来?这是对我的梦想有好处?时间,你能不能停吗?时间不够,要决定的事多,喜欢的事也多。我真的不想离开我习惯的环境,也不喜欢松开我的独立和朋友。为什么这些学期完的很快?
我要考虑很多事。。。